What Superhero Preparedness Power Would You Choose?

Posted: April 15, 2012 in Preparedness, Ron Paul, SHTF, Superhero
Tags: , , , , ,

Growing up, I always wanted to fly…without the aid of wings. I’d settle for a Jetman contraption though. Check him out on this flight, and here on TED. Note to self – add to my prep list wish list!

What superhero preparedness power would I choose?

This got me thinking. How practical would super powers be in a survival situation? If I could only have one super-human power, what would it be?

Special Note: To any comic book nerds who somehow stumbled upon this post, please spare me your dork rage for my total lack of intimate super hero knowledge. Nothing I write should be taken seriously. I only give tips. Take it or leave it. Keep in mind that this is satire (but may have application in the prepper community). If at any point in your reading you begin to horripilate , please stop and escape to some true-to-life comic books.

Let’s begin.

First, for the purpose of this piece, I’m only considering my favorite real super heroes. Check out my TOP SUPER HERO pick of all time at the bottom. Please feel free to add your thoughts in the comment section – even if it’s Aqua Man. Lame! Please add to this list of real or lame super hero. After much (one link) research on lame super heroes, I’m adding an honorable mention category for these overshadowed fighters of evil. Please help me understand why the comic book gods created Squirrel Girl.

Here’s my list of top super hero preparedness powers and the one I’d choose for TEOTWAWKI: (Rule change: I was only going to allow one pick overall, but I’ll allow you to choose one from each hero listed – you’re welcome!)

I. Superman: Powers & Abilities – ability to fly, bullet proof, superhuman strength, x-ray vision (TSA approved and safer I’ve heard), super hearing, heat vision (able to annihilate an entire army of Doomsday clones in one blast), super scream, self-sufficiency (His body stores the energy necessary to negate eating and sleeping for an indefinite period), super smell (ability to smell odors across the planet – don’t think I’d want that one), superhuman speed (2000 miles per second), and superhuman stamina.

My Pick: Obviously, his ability to fly would come in handy, but his heat vision (able to annihilate an entire army of Doomsday clones in one blast) is my pick for TEOTWAWKI.

Image by DC Comics

II. Wonder Woman: Powers & Abilities – flight, super-strength, super-speed, highly developed fighting skills, enhanced hearing, enhanced vision, animal empathy, regeneration (healing factor), sisterhood with fire, high resistance to magic. Blessed with the gifts of the Olympian Gods, Wonder Woman is one of the strongest beings on the planet; she can fly at sublight speed; while not invulnerable, she is highly resistant to bodily harm; she can psychically communicate with animals; she is an expert at all forms of classical armed and unarmed combat; a master of the sword, ax, and bow and arrow; a skilled tactician and diplomat; her arsenal includes a magic lasso that forces anyone within its confines to tell the absolute truth; her bracelets can deflect bullets.

My Pick: While “sisterhood with fire” (whatever that is) would be nice, I’d go with master of the sword, ax, and bow and arrow. Remember, I’ve already got heat vision for starting fires in downpours and nuking zombies.

III. Spider Man: Powers & Abilities – wall crawling, night vision, superhuman strength, speed, agility, spider webs, danger sense, and natural weapons.

My Pick: Hands down, gotta have some night vision. No batteries needed. Now I can see Doomsday clones in the dark. Nice add here.

IV. Apocalypse: Powers & Abilities –  superhuman strength, stamina, invulnerability, energy generation, superhuman speed, retarded aging (unable to age), genius-level science geek basically. Note: I didn’t even know this dude existed, but added him just for his name.

My Pick: Energy generation – to power up those re-chargeable batteries that I no longer need for my night-vision equipment.

V. Hulk: Powers & Abilities  – most powerful being in the universe, transformation, superhuman strength (duh!), self sustenance (does not need air, water, food, or sleep – in state of rage…just how long can one be mad though?), prolonged longevity, superhuman speed – 770 mph (very surprising due to his size – 8′ tall, 1,400 pounds of green – he has been fast enough to catch mortar shells shot at him), superhuman stamina, leaping ability, and durability, regenerative healing factor, resistance to psychic control (a single man obviously), immunity to all diseases and viruses (all known Earth-based diseases and viruses, including AIDS – does Aqua Man have this power?), adaptation to hostile environments (capable to adapt itself to new inhospitable environments whenever it is necessary), and homing abilities.

My Pick: While adaptation to hostile environments is needed for TEOTWASWKI, I choose Hulk’s homing ability in case I lose my compass and map in a bug-out situation.

Honorable Mention Lame Superheroes

I. Squirrel Girl: She’s a product of government school bullying. Squirrel Girl subsequently moved to New York City to fight crime, earning quite the reputation as Central Park’s greatest protector. Stop laughing! Seriously! Here’s a comment from a superhero junkie, “Squirrel Girl just replaced Batman as my favorite super hero ever.” Squirrel Girl’s ability to summon an army of squirrels would be very helpful when you’re needing protein for your SHTF soup. Just saying.

II. Tommy has the ability to turn completely flat – like a sheet of paper. She only possesses average human strength. She was the first to die in the Mutant Massacre. Superhero? She’d be useful if you ever locked your keys in your survival retreat. You did remember to stash a hide-a-key right?

III. Goldstar: “Niceness” is somehow considered a superpower. He’s upbeat and moralistic. BUT, he is disaster-prone. Not someone you want to hang out with in emergency/disaster situations. Motto: Can’t we all just get along? He scores zero on my Superhero Preparedness Power Scale.

Real Life Superhero

I’m adding a third category: Real Life Superhero. You may have heard of him. Revolution Comics presents…

Ron Paul: Giving the NWO a black eye, destroyer of Statist propaganda, and champion of real money! He’s my superhero!

If YOU could only have one super-human preparedness power, what would it be? Leave a comment please.

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